Dating. It’s not for sissies.
As a cute, fun, and outgoing 23 year old, I have been on my share of dates. Some were wonderful, but that’s not what this blog is about. I won’t bore you with the entire 400 page list of bloopers, I’ll just recap the top 5 best of the worst.
Mother Knows Best.
- One time, a guy brought his mom with us on our first date, and she spent almost the entire 2 hours grilling him about why he was interested in someone 8 years younger. Then she turned on me and yelled at me for being interested in someone like her son, who was so clearly a ‘perv’ and couldn’t get a woman his own age. Yeah. There was no second date.
Who Are You Again?- For the span of the entire date, this genius had me completely mixed up with some other girl. And the subjects that he was ‘close’ on, he was waaaay off base. For instance, he knew that I was born in March, my middle name was Marie, and I coached a field hockey team comprised of 10 year old boys whose team name was the Blue Dragons. Reality: Born in August, middle name has always been (to my knowledge) Christine, and I was coaching a soccer team made up of 6 year old girls whose team name was the Red Devils. I dated him for months. Who’s the idiot now?
Red Bull Gives You Wings.- Three hours into this seemingly fun date, I was getting tired and mentioned that I would like to go home soon. He responded with, “we’ll just get you a red bull, they give you wings, you’ll be fine” --- for NINETY minutes, this was all I heard! I can’t even watch those commercials anymore without cringing.
The Hulk Hogan Wannabe.
- So there was this guy. He was really cute. He was also a semi-professional wrestler, and on our second date, he brought me every piece of merchandise he had ever had his face on, and I was ‘lucky’ enough to be given an autographed dvd of one of his matches. Here’s a hint ladies: any time you meet a man who is in love with the sight of himself in spandex, please walk away.
And finally, we have the date that really was meant to be a good one, things just went awry. He still gets an A for Effort, and I must admit, the sympathy card has worked to my advantage in the days following…
SURPRISE!! You Might Need A Band-Aid…
- After getting into what I’ll call a ‘heated discussion’ about how he never takes me on dates anymore, a cutie patootie friend of mine decided to be sweet and surprise me. So the next day, he called me to come over, immediately put me in the car, and took me to dinner. All is well and good at this point. Then, he took me to a park and pulled out a soccer ball. YAY! Only problem? This date was a surprise to me, so I was in heels. No biggie – I’ll play barefoot. Einstein move. About 10 minutes in, we were both intent on winning and were headed for the ball, neither of us backing down. I, as always, was bound and determined to win, and so was he. And then, almost in slow motion, we reached the ball at the exact same moment, and his foot (in a shoe) slid right across the top of my bare, vulnerable, and freshly manicured little piggies --- leaving my dainty foot scraped, bleeding, grass burned, and probably scarred for life!
I deserve a medal. Or at least a good date where no therapy or emergency medical attention is needed. Anyone feel like pointing me in the direction of a man who can handle that?
As a cute, fun, and outgoing 23 year old, I have been on my share of dates. Some were wonderful, but that’s not what this blog is about. I won’t bore you with the entire 400 page list of bloopers, I’ll just recap the top 5 best of the worst.
Mother Knows Best.
- One time, a guy brought his mom with us on our first date, and she spent almost the entire 2 hours grilling him about why he was interested in someone 8 years younger. Then she turned on me and yelled at me for being interested in someone like her son, who was so clearly a ‘perv’ and couldn’t get a woman his own age. Yeah. There was no second date.
Who Are You Again?- For the span of the entire date, this genius had me completely mixed up with some other girl. And the subjects that he was ‘close’ on, he was waaaay off base. For instance, he knew that I was born in March, my middle name was Marie, and I coached a field hockey team comprised of 10 year old boys whose team name was the Blue Dragons. Reality: Born in August, middle name has always been (to my knowledge) Christine, and I was coaching a soccer team made up of 6 year old girls whose team name was the Red Devils. I dated him for months. Who’s the idiot now?
Red Bull Gives You Wings.- Three hours into this seemingly fun date, I was getting tired and mentioned that I would like to go home soon. He responded with, “we’ll just get you a red bull, they give you wings, you’ll be fine” --- for NINETY minutes, this was all I heard! I can’t even watch those commercials anymore without cringing.
The Hulk Hogan Wannabe.
- So there was this guy. He was really cute. He was also a semi-professional wrestler, and on our second date, he brought me every piece of merchandise he had ever had his face on, and I was ‘lucky’ enough to be given an autographed dvd of one of his matches. Here’s a hint ladies: any time you meet a man who is in love with the sight of himself in spandex, please walk away.
And finally, we have the date that really was meant to be a good one, things just went awry. He still gets an A for Effort, and I must admit, the sympathy card has worked to my advantage in the days following…
SURPRISE!! You Might Need A Band-Aid…
- After getting into what I’ll call a ‘heated discussion’ about how he never takes me on dates anymore, a cutie patootie friend of mine decided to be sweet and surprise me. So the next day, he called me to come over, immediately put me in the car, and took me to dinner. All is well and good at this point. Then, he took me to a park and pulled out a soccer ball. YAY! Only problem? This date was a surprise to me, so I was in heels. No biggie – I’ll play barefoot. Einstein move. About 10 minutes in, we were both intent on winning and were headed for the ball, neither of us backing down. I, as always, was bound and determined to win, and so was he. And then, almost in slow motion, we reached the ball at the exact same moment, and his foot (in a shoe) slid right across the top of my bare, vulnerable, and freshly manicured little piggies --- leaving my dainty foot scraped, bleeding, grass burned, and probably scarred for life!
I deserve a medal. Or at least a good date where no therapy or emergency medical attention is needed. Anyone feel like pointing me in the direction of a man who can handle that?
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