As anyone who follows my blog with any sort of regularity knows, my dating life has hit a bit of a rough patch lately. And by rough patch, I mean it's a sweltering desert drought of Biblical proportions. It's been about 6 weeks since my last date, and there don't seem to be any immediate prospects in sight. But don't you worry, my family and friends have ever so *kindly* intervened.
Most people around me are used to hearing frequent tales about my various dating adventures, so when the stories stopped, folks noticed. After being asked several times, "What new boy are you dating?" I became slightly annoyed and told my mother people were hounding me and she tried to be supportive by saying, "Don't worry, honey, I got married late in life, too." I think it's important to note that she got married at 27. Can someone please tell me - on what planet is 27 late in life??? And keep in mind, this is coming from the same woman who once told me, "Maybe you should sign up for eharmony...it might be time to let the professionals try!"
Then there was cousin Diane. While trying to teach me how to play Farm Town on Facebook, she mentioned that I should chat with some of the other players and maybe 'meet that man you're looking for' in the process. REALLY? You've come to the conclusion that finding a fake farmer on Facebook is my best option?? Awesome.
So as I was complaining to my beloved Whitney about how everyone seems to think I need some sort of jumpstart back into dating, she said, "Well, you ARE pushing 24. I have to agree with mom...I think eharmony is a good idea." I'm sorry - did I miss something here? Since when am I the lost cause that the family needs to stage an intervention for before I buy 20 cats and call it a life???
Not long after each of these conversations, and several others along the same lines, I received a mysterious welcome e-mail from where else but eharmony. That's right. Not only did someone sign me up, but they bought me 3 months worth of professionally guided internet dating. Let's all take a moment to allow for the proper appreciation of the depths of desperation that this spells out. My family/friends think I'm a social reject!
And what's worse is that I now have to turn to those same people who already think I'm hopeless and tell them that I can't even manage to complete PROFESSIONALLY GUIDED INTERNET DATING successfully. After a few days of being offended, I decided to make lemonade out of lemons. They only did it because they love me, want to see me happy, and care about my quality of life --- even though I was perfectly content to begin with. Since I was already tired of the constant e-mails notifying me of the matches that I had, I decided to take a peek. Of the fifteen men on the page, zero interested me. So I deleted all of them. And eharmony yelled at me! Turns out you get in trouble for rejecting fifteen people in a matter of three minutes. I promptly received a notice saying, "You can't be so picky! We encourage you to at least try having a conversation before closing your matches." REALLY? It's not enough to hear it from my family, but now I'm getting bossed by a computer about how I date???
This is a new low. Screw the lemonade, I'm making vodka.
Most people around me are used to hearing frequent tales about my various dating adventures, so when the stories stopped, folks noticed. After being asked several times, "What new boy are you dating?" I became slightly annoyed and told my mother people were hounding me and she tried to be supportive by saying, "Don't worry, honey, I got married late in life, too." I think it's important to note that she got married at 27. Can someone please tell me - on what planet is 27 late in life??? And keep in mind, this is coming from the same woman who once told me, "Maybe you should sign up for eharmony...it might be time to let the professionals try!"
Then there was cousin Diane. While trying to teach me how to play Farm Town on Facebook, she mentioned that I should chat with some of the other players and maybe 'meet that man you're looking for' in the process. REALLY? You've come to the conclusion that finding a fake farmer on Facebook is my best option?? Awesome.
So as I was complaining to my beloved Whitney about how everyone seems to think I need some sort of jumpstart back into dating, she said, "Well, you ARE pushing 24. I have to agree with mom...I think eharmony is a good idea." I'm sorry - did I miss something here? Since when am I the lost cause that the family needs to stage an intervention for before I buy 20 cats and call it a life???
Not long after each of these conversations, and several others along the same lines, I received a mysterious welcome e-mail from where else but eharmony. That's right. Not only did someone sign me up, but they bought me 3 months worth of professionally guided internet dating. Let's all take a moment to allow for the proper appreciation of the depths of desperation that this spells out. My family/friends think I'm a social reject!
And what's worse is that I now have to turn to those same people who already think I'm hopeless and tell them that I can't even manage to complete PROFESSIONALLY GUIDED INTERNET DATING successfully. After a few days of being offended, I decided to make lemonade out of lemons. They only did it because they love me, want to see me happy, and care about my quality of life --- even though I was perfectly content to begin with. Since I was already tired of the constant e-mails notifying me of the matches that I had, I decided to take a peek. Of the fifteen men on the page, zero interested me. So I deleted all of them. And eharmony yelled at me! Turns out you get in trouble for rejecting fifteen people in a matter of three minutes. I promptly received a notice saying, "You can't be so picky! We encourage you to at least try having a conversation before closing your matches." REALLY? It's not enough to hear it from my family, but now I'm getting bossed by a computer about how I date???
This is a new low. Screw the lemonade, I'm making vodka.
2 comments:
Hey Ho! I want you to know you're not alone. My grandmother told me I need to hurry up and get married [after I told her I thought 28 would be a good age to take the plunge] because "PEOPLE WON'T ALWAYS BE AROUND RACHEL." i.e. if you want your Grandpa there, get cookin. PRICELESS. I feel your pain...
Oh Rach - how I miss you!!
Post a Comment