Saturday, October 31, 2009

Sorry Mom

We all have our callings in life, and one of mine is to be an awesome Aunt with the ability/right to spoil the cute little children, let them have whatever they want, feed them ice cream for dinner, and then return them to their parents. People keep asking me when I will have kids of my own, and I got to thinking. I'm no Spring chicken these days, so I've been trying to figure out if and when I'm ever going to have some adorable little butterballs of babiness of my own. Here is my Pros/Cons list so far:

Reasons I should NOT have babies:

1.) Sometimes I forget to feed myself.

2.) When I own a plant, I either kill it or abandon it for all time at mom and dad's house.

3.) I need to be the crier in the relationship.

4.) Sharing the spotlight has never been my strong spot.

5.) Giving up alcohol for 9 months is out of the question.

6.) If you're going to throw up on me, you BETTER be gainfully employed with the ability to buy me 'I'm sorry' gifts.

7.) Less than 8 hours of sleep a night isn't going to work for me.

8.) I can't discipline - I'll either laugh when they misbehave, or try to distract them with presents.

9.) I won't get a PUPPY because it might interfere with my frequent vacation plans.

10.) Trick or treaters just knocked on my door and I hid under the covers as if they were murderers because all I have in my kitchen are veggies and cottage cheese.

Don't get me wrong, I love the kiddies. I find them adorable and hilarious and extremely sweet. So I've put a lot of thought into it, and here are the pros of me having a baby of my own that I can't get just by being an Aunt:

Reasons I SHOULD have babies:

1.) Tax break.

2.) Bigger boobs.


I've also figured out that I can get the same results by buying a house and finding a good plastic surgeon...

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