So after telling my apartment complex that I am moving on Monday to a place where I feel safer (YAHOO!!!!!), they conveniently informed me that we have courtesy patrol and I can call any time. What? Courtesy Patrol? What does that even mean? Apparently, it's an ARMED security guard that I have known nothing about for 3 years!
Later that night:
'Summerlin Police, how can I help you?' Me: 'I hear people outside! They're making a lot of noise. I think they're breaking windows! Please send someone quickly!!' Them: 'I have an officer on his way.' Oh you're not getting away this time, bad murderer guys! I'm prepared tonight. Pepper spray and baseball bat in hand, I'll hide under the window so if they run away this time I can get a description.
I see a flashlight! Help is here! Hooray!! Hmmm. Why isn't there the sounds of a struggle? They couldn't have possibly given up that easily. Perhaps they shot my hero officer with a gun with a silencer and they are fleeing before backup gets here!
Being the concerned citizen, I very cautiously and quietly cracked the window to see if I could hear which direction their footsteps were headed in. Much to my dismay, all I heard was casual conversation. Hero Officer: 'Summerlin Police.' Bad Murderer Guys: 'We didn't call the police (Really? Didn't turn yourself in? Shocking...).' Hero Officer: 'Apartment 2229 did (Way to throw me under the bus!) - they heard a lot of loud noises and thought you were breaking in.' Bad Murderer Guys: 'Oh, sorry about that. We didn't realize we were being loud. We just signed our lease today and are moving in at night because it's 110* during the day and we were trying to not overheat.'
Welcome to the neighborhood, gentlemen. Note to self: bake 'I'm sorry' cookies!
Approximately 24 hours Later:
'Summerlin Police, how can I help you?' Me: 'Hi, this is Heidi in #2229. Well, I'm not in #2229 right now. I mean, I live there, but right now at this moment I'm not there...' Security Patrol: 'Ma'am! Ma'am! What are you trying to report? Are you okay?' Me: 'Well, yes, I'm fine. Obviously not fine like everything is peachy – otherwise I wouldn't be calling you, but I'm okay. As okay as I can be for nearly being killed on my way into my apartment tonight...' Security Patrol: 'Killed? Ma'am where are you? Is there an assailant near your apartment? Are you safe?' Me: 'I'm in the parking lot. There's not an assailant per se...I'm safe...you see, there's a cat. A mean one. And she won't let me up my stairs. Can someone come walk me up them?' Oh sure, it sounds ridiculous now, but at the time it was terrifying and totally called for!
Besides, it gave me a few minutes to get to know my dedicated Security Patrol officer, Perry, and to apologize for my constant calls. He was nothing short of lovely – reassuring me that I did the right thing by calling, how it's his job to protect me and I'm not annoying at all, and he'd be more than happy to both scare the cat away and walk me up my steps to safety. Perry even said that he would make it a point to come by my unit every so often just to check on things and make sure that I am safe and sound. I, in turn, made a promise to stop calling every night and to be braver.
Yet Another 24 hours Later:
'Summerlin Police, how can I help you?' Me: 'Hi, this is Heidi in #2229 and I hear footsteps outside of my apartment!!! I'm already in the closet with pepper spray, but they're getting closer. HELP!' Security Patrol: 'Ma'am, I will send my guard right over and I will stay on the line with you until he gets there. You're going to be okay. I won't let you go until my guard tells me it's safe. I'm radioing him now. Hold on for just one second.' One, two, three 'Ma'am? Those footsteps you hear ARE my guard...he was just checking on you to make sure everything was okay. He'll stay outside for a few minutes and then will return once every hour. Have a good night.'
Sheepishly looking out the window, 'Hi Perry. Thanks for keeping me safe. Sorry for that whole you know calling-you-on-you thing!'
What? If they didn't want me to call, they shouldn't have given me the number!!!
Later that night:
'Summerlin Police, how can I help you?' Me: 'I hear people outside! They're making a lot of noise. I think they're breaking windows! Please send someone quickly!!' Them: 'I have an officer on his way.' Oh you're not getting away this time, bad murderer guys! I'm prepared tonight. Pepper spray and baseball bat in hand, I'll hide under the window so if they run away this time I can get a description.
I see a flashlight! Help is here! Hooray!! Hmmm. Why isn't there the sounds of a struggle? They couldn't have possibly given up that easily. Perhaps they shot my hero officer with a gun with a silencer and they are fleeing before backup gets here!
Being the concerned citizen, I very cautiously and quietly cracked the window to see if I could hear which direction their footsteps were headed in. Much to my dismay, all I heard was casual conversation. Hero Officer: 'Summerlin Police.' Bad Murderer Guys: 'We didn't call the police (Really? Didn't turn yourself in? Shocking...).' Hero Officer: 'Apartment 2229 did (Way to throw me under the bus!) - they heard a lot of loud noises and thought you were breaking in.' Bad Murderer Guys: 'Oh, sorry about that. We didn't realize we were being loud. We just signed our lease today and are moving in at night because it's 110* during the day and we were trying to not overheat.'
Welcome to the neighborhood, gentlemen. Note to self: bake 'I'm sorry' cookies!
Approximately 24 hours Later:
'Summerlin Police, how can I help you?' Me: 'Hi, this is Heidi in #2229. Well, I'm not in #2229 right now. I mean, I live there, but right now at this moment I'm not there...' Security Patrol: 'Ma'am! Ma'am! What are you trying to report? Are you okay?' Me: 'Well, yes, I'm fine. Obviously not fine like everything is peachy – otherwise I wouldn't be calling you, but I'm okay. As okay as I can be for nearly being killed on my way into my apartment tonight...' Security Patrol: 'Killed? Ma'am where are you? Is there an assailant near your apartment? Are you safe?' Me: 'I'm in the parking lot. There's not an assailant per se...I'm safe...you see, there's a cat. A mean one. And she won't let me up my stairs. Can someone come walk me up them?' Oh sure, it sounds ridiculous now, but at the time it was terrifying and totally called for!
Besides, it gave me a few minutes to get to know my dedicated Security Patrol officer, Perry, and to apologize for my constant calls. He was nothing short of lovely – reassuring me that I did the right thing by calling, how it's his job to protect me and I'm not annoying at all, and he'd be more than happy to both scare the cat away and walk me up my steps to safety. Perry even said that he would make it a point to come by my unit every so often just to check on things and make sure that I am safe and sound. I, in turn, made a promise to stop calling every night and to be braver.
Yet Another 24 hours Later:
'Summerlin Police, how can I help you?' Me: 'Hi, this is Heidi in #2229 and I hear footsteps outside of my apartment!!! I'm already in the closet with pepper spray, but they're getting closer. HELP!' Security Patrol: 'Ma'am, I will send my guard right over and I will stay on the line with you until he gets there. You're going to be okay. I won't let you go until my guard tells me it's safe. I'm radioing him now. Hold on for just one second.' One, two, three 'Ma'am? Those footsteps you hear ARE my guard...he was just checking on you to make sure everything was okay. He'll stay outside for a few minutes and then will return once every hour. Have a good night.'
Sheepishly looking out the window, 'Hi Perry. Thanks for keeping me safe. Sorry for that whole you know calling-you-on-you thing!'
What? If they didn't want me to call, they shouldn't have given me the number!!!
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