It finally happened. I cracked. I became the bride I swore I'd never be. A fuming, tantrum-throwing, at times sobbing, this-is-my-day-not-yours bride. And the best/worst part? I still don't think I'm totally in the wrong.
While I was never the girl who dreamt about my wedding day, when I got engaged to the love of my life 3 months ago and it became clear that my vote to elope was being over-ruled, I quickly started making up for lost time. I planned EVERYTHING. And then I had to start defending my plan. For everything.
Let me make a disclaimer. A very large, heartfelt and 100% accurate disclaimer. I am SO BLESSED to be surrounded by family and friends who care, and I know that everything that I have taken so personally was said/done without the intention of making me crazy.
Good intent or not, though, it IS making me crazy. This day should be about Ryan and I. Period. Our love, our engagement, our life, our marriage, OUR DAY. Where you sit should not be up for discussion. Who I select to be in my bridal party should not be up for discussion. How I wear my hair, what we serve at the reception, what color the silverware will be, and what dead relative's "something old" I will or will not be using should not be up for discussion. They shouldn't, but apparently they are.
I never had any idea that so many people felt it was their place to question a couple's decisions, tell them they should be doing it differently, and/or make their own plans and expect the bride and groom to do it their way. With all the love, respect, and maturity I can muster, I would like to scream at the top of my lungs that this is NOT YOUR DAY. You either had your day already, or you will have a day some other time, or maybe you don't get a day. That's not my fault, and I shouldn't be expected to change my wedding to please you. Not. Your. Day.
If I want to wear a purple polka dot dress, put lipstick all over my face in the shape of unicorns, and serve cotton candy and peanuts for dinner, it is your role as a guest to tell me I look beautiful and get your own damn dinner on the way home if you don't like what we chose. I have been to a lot of weddings, and there have been a lot of things at said weddings that I didn't love. Did I feel the need to tell the bride or groom that I would have done it differently? Nope. Sure didn't. I wore a color other than white, sat where I was told, brought a gift, and congratulated the newlyweds on their new life together. Because aside from seating charts and cake cutting, I'm pretty sure there is a bigger point to this day. What was it again? Oh yeah - a marriage. Our marriage. MY marriage.
I have a dj who may or may not show up (don't even get me started on the e-mail I sent that resulted in a 20% discount!), I have people who mean a WHOLE LOT to me who can't be there, I have people who WEREN'T INVITED who have told me that they will be there, and I have spent a crap ton of money on this day only to feel like I am under attack for every tiny detail that we have decided about this day. And the conclusion I have come to? I don't care. I don't care. I DON'T care. I. DON'T. CARE.
While it is not now nor has it EVER been my intention to hurt anyone's feelings, the fact that their feelings are imposed onto this day in the first place still baffles me. It is our day and the ONLY detail that I even remotely care about is that when it is all said and done, I will walk out as a married woman. So while I may seem like a self-centered, spoiled, monster of a bride right now, I can promise you that on October 20th, I will not stress over one thing. The cake can collapse, the electricity can go out, and my hair can be set on fire, and if I walk out of that church as Mrs. Sloan, it will still be the happiest day of my whole life.
If nobody likes the music, or my dress, or the food, or any other detail that people so boldly invite themselves to be concerned with, I don't care. If that makes me a bridezilla, then I guess I don't care about that either.