For anyone who follows this blog with any sort of regularity or knows me at all, you know that I have dated some serious winners (If you need to be caught up: case, point, checkmate, and one for good measure) who say some pretty awesome things. So boys, I'm going to give you some help about what not to say. And ladies, unless your man has topped these, maybe give him a free pass today.
Enjoy the highlights of the huge practical joke that is my dating life:
Worst style commentary:
Boy: You know, I love it when you wear jeans. It makes you less pretty than usual and I feel like I have more of a shot with you. And I also really like the just rolled out of bed hair look that you have going on.
Me: You think my hair looks like I just rolled out of bed????
Boy: Oh, I shouldn't have said anything, huh?
Me: Yeah. Never tell a woman she looks like she didn't make an effort.
Boy: But why? You women say you want honesty in a man...
Worst observance of my independence:
"You don't need a man - you ARE the man!"
Worst attempt to encourage a positive body image:
"You're looking really curvy today. I like the extra meat you've got lately."
Worst joke. Ever.:
Me: When my parts start drooping, there will be surgical intervention.
Boy: I hope that you have that fund started already.
Me: Are you implying that I am going to need a lot of cosmetic surgery soon?
Boy: See? I can be funny.
Worst ask for a committment:
"I think you should give me a shot. I'm cute and funny. Plus, it's not like I have a parade of women coming through my living room."
Worst compliment (I think?):
"Some of those hookers were charging $200 and they weren't even cute. You could easily get $500."